Some Hearts
by Miss Bella Padfoot
Summary: Isabella Black is in her sixth year when she runs away to her best friend, Remus Lupin, after being threatened with the Dark Mark. RemusOFC Please read and review!
1. Keep Holding On

"Remus. Lupin. I. Am. Going. To Kill. You. Slowly. And. Painfully." I snarled across the Gryffindor common room. He ducked as I threw my potions book at his head. The book clattered across the empty room.

"Bella, isn't it possible that you--" Remus began softly.

"NO! I am not over reacting!" Hey, my name is Isabella Anne Black. Call me Isabella and I'll probably ignore you, it's Bella. You may be wondering why I am trying to kill Remus Lupin. First of all, he's my best friend in the entire world. One word to describe us would be inseparable. He's also my brother's best friend. Right. My twin brother, Sirius. But that's not why I am so intent on killing him. I'll get to that in a minute but I'll have to start at the beginning: last summer. A bit over a month before this year, our sixth year: It was nearing the end of June and my mother and Sirius were having one of their legendary fights. It also happened to be the day that my cousins, Bellatrix, Andromeda, and Narcissa had come. Most likely, it was a day I won't forget: the day Bella and I had our fallout. Bella and I had always been somewhat close, being born a couple of days apart and sharing a nickname. That was the day Bellatrix and Narcissa sided with my mother and Andromeda and I sided with my brother. What were we siding over, you may ask? Sirius, according to my mother, was showing an unbelievable amount of disrespect towards his family and his pure-blood status. Meaning that he refused to be branded as a Death Eater and serve Voldemort, like Regulus had. She hadn't yet gotten to me.

"You ungrateful little bloodtraitor!" my mother shrieked. Before Sirius, Andromeda, or I could react, she had her wand out and trained on Sirius. "_Crucio_!" I will never forget the next thirty seconds for as long as I live. Sirius fell to the ground writhing in pain, screaming. I was trembling uncontrollably with the effort of trying not to cry. Andromeda stood shell shocked. Narcissa watched with greed in her eyes that was reflected in Bella's. Bella. We could do nothing. Aside from my mother, Narcissa was the only one over age.

"Narcissa, do something!" I pleaded. Her cold pale eyes found mine and she smiled a venomous smile. "Bella, make her do something!" I sobbed. Bella would listen, and Cissy would listen out of fear, right? Bellatrix looked at me and then at Sirius. Her eyes held confusion quickly hidden with cool arrogance. She backed up to where her sister stood behind my mother. Then she spoke the five words I never wanted to hear from anyone, ever.

"Isabella, your mother is right." That was it. I knew at once she was gone. The Bella I had known was gone, dead, replaced by the cruel Bellatrix that people would come to fear. My mother lifted her wand and Sirius stopped screaming. His breath came in ragged gasps. Sirius gingerly got off the floor. Glaring at our mother, he left the room. Seconds later his bedroom door closed. Before my mother could turn her fearsome wrath on me I followed my brother, knocking on his door before pushing it open. What I saw was what I'd be doing in a week or so. Sirius was furiously throwing his belongings into his trunk.

"Bella are you going to come with me?" he slammed his trunk closed and grabbed his owl, Serendipity's, cage and his broomstick.

"Where are you going to be?" he paused. I could tell that he didn't have a plan extending past going out the front door with all of his belongings. "They can change, Sirius. I know they can. I'm gonna stay for about a week and make them." Sirius sighed in resignation.

"I-I'm going to go to James's. I'll send you an owl to let you know what's happening." I knew he wasn't happy about me staying. He hugged me and dragged his things through the door. I followed him. Once Sirius was gone, my mother grabbed my upper arm and drug me into the sitting room where she'd tortured Sirius. Pointing her wand at Sirius's picture on the family tree, she blasted his name from the tapestry.

"Your brother is dead to us. I am forbidding you to speak to him again." she snarled.

"You can't forbid me to speak to my brother."

"I can. Regulus will be keeping an eye on you as will Bellatrix. If I find that you are in contact, you will be submitted to the Cruciatus Curse as you just witnessed." she shook me a little as she laid down the law. Once again I was trembling with the effort of not crying. Wrenching my arm from her I hurried up to my room. I slammed the door and flung myself onto my bed. I know what I need to do. I have to leave. But I have to give them time, just a little. Drying my eyes on my sleeve, I pulled out my sketch book and pencil. Without realizing what I was doing, I began to draw the view from my window. My father knocked on my door as I finished.

"Bella?" he seemed to want to say something else, but scrambled for the words. "Dinner's ready." he finished lamely. Instead of walking away as he usually does, he waited while I put my sketch of the dreary, gray outside away. "I'm really sorry about what your mother did to Sirius and I'm really sorry that I wasn't here to stop it." he seemed genuinely sorry, something I didn't really see much of in my family. "But I think it would be best, for your sake, if you didn't talk about Sirius around your mum. I don't want her turning on you as well." wow... mk. I retreated to my room after dinner, which was once again, filled with chatter about Voldemort. God, that's all my family cares about: Voldemort's doings and how proud they are that Reggie is serving him. I opened my trunk, looking at the remnants of previous years: broken quills, notes that Sarah and I passed during different classes, much to Lily's displeasure I might add, and mismatched items of the sort. I don't think I have ever completely emptied it since I started Hogwarts. There was a tap on my window. Serendipity, Sirius's owl, fluttered outside. As soon as I opened my window, she stuck out her leg so I could remove the letter.

_'Bella, I'm staying at the Potters' house. Please, please don't stay_

_too long. If you do decide to run, let me know where_

_you are going. If--' _

Reggie opened my door and I crumpled Sirius's letter in my hand. "You know, you really should listen to Mum." he began, leaning on the door jam. My mind flashed back to the many times I'd seen Sirius in the same place. The only thing was that Reggie lacked Sirius's casual elegance. I glared at him as I piled up my books, possibly premeditation of leaving. Forget the time I was giving them. Regulus sauntered in and sat on my bed.

"No! Don't sit, don't stay!" I snapped. He looked around at all of the Gryffindor hangings and my pictures of my friends.

"Really, you shouldn't be so much like him, like Sirius. Stop hanging around with these..." his face soured. "Gryffindors. You should have been in Slytherin, like the rest of our family." he pulled a picture of Remus and I in our second year off the wall. "Mum has told me I'm to watch you more this next term. So you are going to be spending less time with _them_." he tore the picture in half. "and more with me and the rest of the Slytherins." Reggie stood and tossed the fragmented picture on the floor. My mother was now in the door way. "So I can get you ready for the end of the year."

"No I won't. They're my friends. What are _you_ doing at the end of the year." count me out of this one. My mother stepped forward.

"At the end of the year, Regulus will have trained you and he will take you to be branded. _You will be a Death Eater._ Just like your brother." her tone left no room for argument or debate. I couldn't move. I don't want to be a Death Eater.

"Sirius was not a Death Eater." I don't know what is possessing me. "and I refuse to be like Reggie." I couldn't stop myself. Sorry, Dad. She slapped me across the face, turning my head towards the wall. I didn't turn back to face her.

"You will." she grabbed my upper arms and shook me, fingers creating a second set of bruises over the ones she had already set into my arm. "You forget your place." more shaking "and you will look at me when I am speaking to you." I tore my eyes away from the wall and looked her dead in the eye, something she wasn't used to. "Come down to the kitchen when you have grown a spine." she released me, pushing me onto my bed. My mother swept from my room, followed faithfully by Reggie who shut the door behind himself. I flung open my trunk and started throwing my things into it: clothes, books, quills, everything and anything. Opening my window, I searched for my owl, Evelynn. Thunder rumbled in the distance. I left the window open and sat down at my desk, scratching out a letter to Sirius. I read it through once I finished.

_Sirius,_

_Alright, I said that I'd give them a week and this is how_

_long I've lasted: five hours. Mum has Reggie convinced that he's going to train_

_me to be a Death Eater. He's supposed to take me to be branded at _

_the end of this term. So I'm following your lead and I'm running away. I'll be at_

_Remus's house for now. I don't know what I'll do after that. I'll come to the Potters' _

_as soon as I can. I know, I know 'be safe' I promise I will stay safe._

_Love you bub,_

_Bella._

Satisfied with my letter, I rolled it up and tied it with a piece of string. I stuck my head out my window looking for Evelynn. Listening to the rain fall, I lay on my bed. Ten minutes later, Evelynn flapped in the window, perching on the bedpost. I got up and quickly tied the letter to her outstretched leg. "Take this to Sirius, he's at James's and I'll be at Remus's when you get back." I whispered before she took off out the window. As quietly as humanly possible, I drug my trunk, Evelynn's cage, and my broomstick down the stairs. Kreacher spotted me on the second floor. "Kreacher, I'm ordering-- asking-- you to leave everything as it is in my room and in Sirius's room. Understand? No matter what my mother tells you." the house elf nodded eagerly.

"Of course, Miss Bella. Kreacher will do whatever Miss Bella asks." he squeaked. I thanked him and continued on downstairs. Placing my things by the door, I went into the kitchen where my cloak hung on a peg. My mother watched me with cold eyes as I pulled my cloak off the hook.

"So," she began. 'So what?' was on the tip of my tongue. "Have you decided where your loyalties lie?" Composing myself I turned to her.

"Yes, actually I have." she raised her eyebrows. "And I'm tired of all this dogmatic _crap_ you all've been trying to shove down my throat since I could walk. So I'm leaving you all and your pure-blood mania." I swung my cloak around my shoulders as I left the kitchen.

"If you walk out that door, Isabella, you are dead to us." my mother warned. I honestly don't care anymore.

"I'm already dead to you. You only 'care'" my fingers etched quoted in the air. "now because you want me to step up for Sirius. You never really cared for me at all." I grabbed my things and slammed the front door behind me. I could see my mother now, blasting me from the family tree. True enough, I saw a flash of light from the sitting room window. Pulling out my wand, I flung my arm out into the empty street as if I was hailing a cab. I waited in the rain only a few seconds before the violently purple Knight Bus appeared in front of me. Before the conductor could speak, I had my things on the bus and handed him my money. "511 Ocean Avenue, please." By the time the Knight Bus stopped in front of the Lupin's house I was crying. And I had a zillion and nine reasons why. Remus and Riley, one of his younger sisters, were outside scrambling to pick up the brooms and Quidditch equipment that had been left out in the rain. Once again I was soaked as soon as I went outside. Remus sent Riley in the house when he saw me

"Bella, what's wrong?" he put his hands on either side of my head. I sobbed harder. "Shh, It's gonna be okay." he held me close until my tears subsided. The pouring rain didn't seem to phase Remus. "Come on inside and you can tell me what happened." The sun had set by now. Once we were both cleaned up and dry, Remus sat me down on his bed and I sniffled through my tale. He sat patiently, knowing that if it was enough to make _me_ cry, then it had to be pretty bad. Every time I mentioned one of my mother's threats, he would tense or get up and pace his room. "You'll stay here of course." he waved away my protests. "My parents are visiting Ryan in France, they'll be back in the morning." he stood again. "You can sleep in my room," I threw him a questioning glance. "my parents decided to renovate the guest room the Muggle way. I'll sleep on the couch for tonight." there was a small knock as Remus kissed my forehead gently. His seven-year-old sister, Katharine, stepped into the room looking as solemn as I've ever seen her.

"Bella, are you okay? Ri said you were crying." Thanks Riley. Riley is Remus's twelve year old sister, going into her second year at Hogwarts. Ryan is Remus's twenty-year-old brother, training to be an Auror in France. Katharine wandered closer to me. I hoped I wasn't going to start crying again.

"I'm okay now, Kat." I pulled the little girl onto my lap.

"Bella is going to stay with us for the rest of the summer and next summer too." he wasn't looking at Kat when I looked up at him, he was looking at me. "Off to bed now. Bella needs to sleep and so do you." once she was gone, Remus turned to me again. "I'm going over to James's tomorrow, if you want to come, I hear Sirius is staying there." I nodded, I needed to see my brother. "Alright, seriously you do need to sleep, you'll feel better." Remus closed the door behind himself. I heard him settling himself in the living room before I fell into deep blissful sleep.

_Keep holding on  
_

_'Cause you know we'll make it  
_

_through, we'll make it through  
_

_Just stay strong  
_

_'Cause you know I'm here for  
_

_you, I'm here for you  
_

_There's nothing you could say  
_

_Nothing you could do  
_

_There's no other way when it  
_

_comes to the truth  
_

_So keep holding on  
_

_'Cause you know we'll make it  
_

_through, we'll make it through_

_So far away  
_

_I wish you were here  
_

_Before it's too late, this  
_

_could all disappear  
_

_Before the doors close  
_

_And it comes to an end  
_

_With you by my side I will fight and defend  
_

_I'll fight and defend  
_

_Yeah, yeah_

**A/N- hey guys! I know it was kinda short but I promise the next one will be longer. The song is 'Keep Holding On' by Avril Lavigne. Please review!**


	2. I Fly

We were back to Hogwarts. Again. James dropped into the seat next to me at breakfast on the first morning of classes. "I'm holding Quidditch tryouts for a new Chaser tomorrow morning and I wanted the whole team there." due to the events over the summer. I'd nearly forgotten about Quidditch. I was Keeper, James was Seeker, Sirius and Remus were Chasers, and two fourth year boys, Lucas Meyer and Nick Sparks, were Beaters. "Bright and early?" I nodded. "Okay then, 7:30 sharp." finishing my breakfast, I headed back to my dorm to grab my books. When I got there, all my friends were still there. Lily Evans rolled her eyes at me while Alice Thomas fretted over how she was going to do her hair. I playfully nudged Alice out of the way, pretending to fix my black curls. Black hair for the Black. Ha. Never heard that one before. Sarah Mason sat on her bed talking to Hayden Bonesera across the room.

"Honestly, Bella, your hair is _always perfect_. I'm telling you, one of these days I'm going to shave your head in your sleep." I put a defensive hand on top of my head. Defense. Class... crap! The same thought clicked in Alice's head. "Classes in twenty minutes!" Alice yelled out. The rest of us waited patiently while Alice scrambled for her books. Despite the rabbit trail earlier, our first class was Potions. We caught up to the Marauders as we left Gryffindor Tower. James immediately fell into step with Lily. She scowled at him while he spoke.

"Bella, does she ever lighten up?" James asked me as we entered Slughorn's room. I laughed. Thank goodness he hadn't been around last night for the conversation that was held in his honor. But no need to bother him with that particular bit of information just now.

"Is the Pope Catholic?" I'd spent just enough time watching TV at Sarah's or Lily's to know who the Pope was and what Catholicism was. James however had not.

"Is who what?" I shook my head. "Can you talk to her, Bella. For me? Please." he really looked desperate. I glanced at Lily. She was watching me with a curious gaze. Well, until Snape passed behind me. Her gaze hardened coldly. Lily was never going to forgive him for calling her a Mudblood last year.

"Yeah, I'll talk to her, don't know how much good it's gonna do you but I'll--" Snape stopped in front of my desk, fidgeting awkwardly. "Can I help you?" I asked coldly. He threw a snide glance at James, who was still turned in his seat to face me.

"Your brother asked me to give this to you." he answered stiffly, handing me a piece of parchment. Looking around, he left to take his seat, somewhere in the vicinity of Bellatrix. She was doing her best to ignore me, most likely on family orders. Sirius read the note over my shoulder from across the isle. Regulus wanted to know when I was coming back and when I wanted to begin my training. I scratched out a stiff and formal reply, signing if 'Isabella' instead of the usual 'Bella'. I folded it into sixteenths and wrote Regulus's name on one side of it. I waited until Slughorn turned to write instructions on the board and chucked the note across the room at the Slytherins. The parchment hit Bella and she looked p at me, face blank. Shrugging, I gave her a mischievous smile and took my notes back from Sirius. I'd asked him to take notes for me while I was writing the reply. Apparently, our definitions of note taking differed greatly. There was one line one line on the page: What did you say? A piece of parchment hit my head. I opened it, looking around for the thrower. Seeing as most of the likely candidates were sitting in front or beside me. It too contained only one line: Will you go to Hogsmede with me this weekend? -Luke Malfoy. Remus read the parchment over my shoulder from the seat next to me.

"Say no." he hissed. Like I was going to say yes. Where's the joke? "Bella, you know who that is, don't you? He's Lucious Malfoy's younger brother."

"Oh man, and here I was, seriously considering saying yes." I hissed back. "And yes I do know who he is. Didn't James and Sirius make his head twice its size last year?" Remus nodded looking around for the younger Malfoy. He was behind us. Remus nodded his head back to show me where he was. I turned to Malfoy and shook my head no. "Thanks but I can't."

--

_Six a.m.  
_

_Radio Playin'  
_

_Stumble out of bed,  
_

_Runnin' out the door  
_

_A brand new day  
_

_Never thought I'd have this feeling  
_

_Never thought I'd get this far  
_

_But I'm okay..._

The next morning couldn't come fast enough. The magical alarm clock I had declared itself shrilly at precisely six the next morning. Of course I was the first one in my dorm awake. I was also the first one on our Quidditch team down on the pitch. Riley Lupin joined me not too long after I was in the air. "Bella." she called up to me. I landed not so gracefully next to her. "I'm going to try out for Chaser. Can you help me practice for a while?" I went in search of a Quaffle while Riley circled the pitch. I flew up to my post and instructed her on what to do. To my delight, Riley was very good. We'd been practicing for almost forty five minutes when the rest of the team came out. They were followed by a crowd of hopeful students, hoping to make the team. Sirius and Remus carried the case with the Bludgers and the Snitch between them. All in all, the tryouts were fine. There was one seventh year that looked like he would knock James out if he didn't get the position of Chaser. James, of course, had picked up on this and kept as far away from Zach McLaggen as he possibly could. Riley had the best trail, probably due to paying with her brother and I over the summers. McLaggen threw a royal fit when James decided on Riley as the new Chaser.

"You're only picking her because her brother's your best mate!" he bellowed at James. "This was an unfair trail, Black went easy on her. She didn't really try to stop her goals."

"Just because you got beat out by a twelve year old at Quidditch does not mean you get to criticize the rest of my team!" James snapped back, he was hoarse from shouting at the different students that refused to accept that they were not going to make the team. McLaggen had no response to this, but was sure to give Riley and I a dirty look before storming off of the pitch. "Alright, everyone in the air. We going to practice."

_And I fly  
_

_I reach out my hands and touch the sky  
_

_That's right in front of me  
_

_And I try  
_

_Just let go, relax, enjoy the ride  
_

_And I feel free  
_

_When I fly  
_

_When I fly_

--

"Lily, listen to me. Please!" I begged my friend while we were alone in the dorm later. "He was practically begging me to talk to you." she turned away from me and I circled her bed. "James is in love with you, I swear it." she watched me suspiciously, I knew she wanted to hear it.

"How do you know?" she whispered burying her nose in her book. "Did he tell you?" Lily's false pretenses were dropped.

"Lily, have you seen the way that boy looks at you? He looks like a love-sick puppy. Even more so when you blow him off and ignore him." Lily closed her book and I followed her down to the common room. The Marauders were in the common room. I smirked at Lily as she took a seat on the couch next to my brother.

"Lily, I'm not gonna be able to make rounds tonight." Remus didn't look up from his book. Tonight must be a full moon. I opened my mouth to speak as he got out of the armchair. "No, Bella." we had entered touchy territory. He knew I wanted to come with them and he wasn't about to allow it. Remus entered the boys' dorms leaving the door open for me. "Bella we go over this every full moon. You are not coming with me, its too dangerous."

"You could teach me. You taught James, Sirius, and Peter." Remus had helped his friends become Animagi two years ago. "Why do they get to go?" I stood in front of the door so he couldn't leave. "Give me one good reason and I will drop it for good." as per usual, he had no reason. "If you aren't going to show me how, I'll go ask James and my brother. You know they will most likely botch the spell and something terrible could happen." Remus struggled for a moment.

"No, I have told you that I can't tell you why." I moved to stand in front of him, leaving the door exposed. "It's too hard to explain."

"But if-" I cut in.

"NO!" he stormed from the door and I followed still trying to persuade him. I saw Luke Malfoy heading our way once we were out of the tower. I sped up my pleas. "I said no, Isabella." I stopped walking, he did too. Remus never pulled out my full name.

"Bella!" Luke called after me. I turned, a plan assembling itself already. "I was wondering w-why you didn't want to come with me to Hogsmede?" he was the complete opposite of his brother: his blond hair was cut short, he was shy, and polite, not arrogant and snotty like Lucious.

"Actually," I said, giving Remus a sly look. "I thought I had Quidditch that day, but it turns out I don't. I would still like to go with you, if you're still going." I was watching Remus over Luke's shoulder. His jaw dropped. Luke looked shocked. "So I'll see you next Saturday then?"

"Um, y-y-yeah." he smiled and walked away to meet his Slytherin friends. I raised my eyebrows at Remus's baffled and disappointed face and headed off to go tell Lily what happened. Every. Little. Detail. I was going to make Remus Lupin squirm.

--

"She's doing this on purpose." Remus told James the following Saturday while they were in Hogsmede. "It's like a clever ruse to test me or something. It's cruel and unfair. Bella knows how I feel. That's the only explanation. This is how she's decided to get back at me." James looked at his friend. The one sided debate had been going on for the last ten minutes. Remus had spotted Bella and Luke and hadn't stopped going on about it since.

"Alright, you can do one of two things, or both for all I care: you can fess up and tell Bella how you feel hoping that Sirius won't tear you limb from limb and tie you to the Whomping Willow, or you can keep going on about this in secret, watching the girl you like go out with some ruddy Slytherin; a Malfoy, no less." James searched the street for Sirius and Peter; they were supposed to be back by now. You could only pull so many pranks on the barman at the Hog's Head. "Do you know if she talked to Lily or not?" he was desperate for a change in subject.

"You're not going to tell Padfoot about this, are you?"

"Do I look stupid, Moony? He would hex me into next week and then wait for that week to pass and do it again, if I suggested something like that. You know how he gets when it comes to his baby sister."

--

I woke the next morning feeling very guilty. I couldn't forget the look on Remus' face when I'd agreed to go to Hogsmede with Luke, and again when he saw us there. Burying my face in my pillow, I groaned. "Bella Black, you are killing me!" Lily hissed from her bed. "You go on all the time about how much James likes me and you are so..." she paused. "_blind _to how much Remus likes you." I didn't acknowledge that I'd heard her. "You know he won't let you go because he's afraid you'll get hurt or that he'll hurt you himself. That would destroy him." Lily wrenched open the curtains on my bed open. Lily had tried for and hour and a half last night to convince me that I was not betraying anyone, meaning Remus, by dating Luke. Obviously she was unsuccessful, or we wouldn't be having this conversation. "Even Sarah thinks this is a perfectly decent way to get back at him." Sarah was the peacemaker for our year. She was strongly against anything violent or deceitful. If she was for this then... well the world was probably coming to an end somewhere in the near future. "And you know how Sarah is." I sighed and sat up. "Thank you. Finally! Now, it's almost time for classes. We'd better hurry."

_Thinkin' back  
_

_When there were days  
_

_I could barely make it out the door  
_

_So much doubt  
_

_Changed my mind  
_

_Change my ways  
_

_Wasn't gonna do this anymore  
_

_I turned around..._

_And I fly  
_

_I reach out my hands and touch the sky  
_

_That's right in front of me  
_

_And I try  
_

_Just let go, relax, enjoy the ride  
_

_And I feel free_

___Like a butterfly  
_

___Who lost his soul  
_

___I choose not to hide  
_

___Anymore..._

___Fly_

___--_


	3. I Just Can't Live A Lie

I spent most of the day avoiding Remus and Sirius. Two reasons: seeing Remus made me relapse into guilt and my brother would hang me from a tree when he found out. They're good reasons... right? Right. This proved to be difficult as James deemed it necessary to hold practice that day. Go figure. Practice had to be the worst part of my day. Wow. I must be high or something cause I didn't really just say that. Anyways, half way through practice Nate hit a bludger and it hit James in the back of the head. Not something you would ideally do a week before the opening match.

"NO! Mr. Potter will not be doing anything strenuous for another two weeks." we all began to object. "That includes Quidditch." Fantastic. This means another set of tryouts. Madam Pomphrey scurried off to attend to the other patients.

"Sirius, you be captain for this match. Have a set of trials for Keeper. Bella, I want you to take my place as Seeker." James dictated putting a hand over his head. "Slytherin is going to go down whether I play or not. Bella make sure you get that Snitch!" From the way he was talking it sounded as though the match was in ten minutes, not a week away.

Whether or not we liked it, Zach McLaggen was the temporary Keeper. Sirius lost his temper frequently all through practice. McLaggen was bellowing at everyone. He yelled at Riley the most, almost reducing the girl to tears, setting Remus off on him. Lucas and Nate had taken to mimicking him while he wasn't looking in attempts to make me laugh. After a few minutes I had to turn away from them because I was laughing so hard. The team wasn't shaping up well for Saturday. But Saturday came all the same. We were treated to another bedside lecture. Setting out onto the field I started laughing. "What could possibly be funny right now" Remus snapped at me. He had been a little short with me since Hogsmede, but I could tell that he had to keep reminding himself he was mad. Could Lily be right? Stupid question. Lily was always right. But if she couldn't tell that James liked _her _how would she know that Remus liked _me_? Ugh. Now was not the time for this.

"Regulus is the Slytherins' Seeker and Bellatrix is their Keeper." I am not sure why I found this funny. Perhaps it was nerves, maybe the thought that we all hadn't seen each other since Sirius and I had run away. I dunno. "And Sirius is Captain for now, so he has to be civil to Reggie and well... maybe not Bella. But still I don't really know why that's funny." Remus laughed all the same. We had reached the middle of the field meeting the Slytherins. Sirius and Regulus stood facing each other. The rest of us watched intently.

"Captains shake hands!" Madam Hooch barked. My brothers stiffly shook hands. Remus and Riley cast me confused glances while I giggled into my gloved hand. We mounted our brooms. Regulus and I shot up higher than the rest and McLaggen and Bella flew to their posts. "Now I want a _NICE CLEAN GAME _from ALL of you." her gaze rested on Sirius, Regulus, Bella, and finally me. I preoccupied myself looking around the pitch. Why on earth would she look at me? Maybe it was the fact that she knew what had happened over the summer and wasn't sure if a duel was going to burst out right here, right now. Wouldn't that be fun. I spotted Lily, Sarah, and Hayden in the stands. They waved and cheered as Madam Hooch blew her whistle. I flew out of the way of the Chasers, having no desire to be squashed.

"Did your precious Potter get cold feet?" Regulus sneered. He thinks oh so highly of James. Don't you think? Yeah, right. "Or has he really gotten bad enough that they put you in instead? And then there's the werewolf and his sister..." Ignoring my brother, I set off to circle the pitch. Somehow I ended up by the Slytherins' goal posts. Bellatrix was intently watching Riley as she, Remus, and Sirius flew closer.

"Hey Bella!" I shouted once Riley had gotten close enough to score. She glanced up at me, missing the Quaffle. I could hear Reggie swearing from all the way across the field. "Whoops, never mind." Setting off around the pitch again, I was tailed by Reggie. He was mumbling something about how it wasn't fair for me to distract his Keeper. Something golden fluttered past his ear and he stopped talking, spotting the Snitch at the same time. We both took off at a steep downward angle. The Snitch leveled up and shot upwards, circling the pitch. I swerved as one of the Slytherin Chasers came at me. Slamming purposely into my brother, I resumed the chase for the Snitch. It dove again, heading straight for the ground. We looked at each other to see which one of us was going to pull up first.

"Your funeral." Reggie shouted when we were three feet from the ground. He pulled up and I continued on for a few more inches. Nearly standing on my broomstick, I pulled up and leveled out, less than three feet from the ground. I didn't hear the Bludger as I reached out for the Snitch. It smashed into my right arm, shattering the bones. Pulling my arm in, I reached out with my left arm to grab the Snitch. I caught it and rolled to the underside of my broomstick and let go, falling to the ground, three feet below. The announcer shouted that I had caught the Snitch. I couldn't focus anymore. My arm hurt. Bad. Sirius was standing over the top of me.

"Bella?" he crouched down. "Can you make it to the hospital wing?" I shook my head. My body hurt from my fall. It wasn't exactly a short one. "Come on." he scooped me up in his arms. I felt like a child being carried like this. Remus was beside Sirius seconds later, all shortness and pretenses gone.

"Bella, are you alright?" I didn't say anything.

"Back off, Remus." Sirius growled. What the hell? Remus looked as startled as I felt. Why was Sirius acting like this? "I've got this covered." we were leaving the pitch now, also leaving a bewildered Remus in our wake.

"Was that really necessary?" I asked weakly. "He was just concerned." Sirius laughed. It wasn't his usual laugh though. It was different, cold. He didn't say anything. "Ah, I get it. You're not going to tell me 'for my own good' right? Something went wrong with one of your stupid pranks on you don't want to tell me. I get it." he still didn't say anything. "Fine you don't have to tell me." I watched him hoping my reverse psychology would work. It didn't. Sirius was too smart for that.

"No, it wasn't anything like that." he said after some time. We were nearly to the hospital wing. "It's just something I suspect is going on." Crap. "Remus has been acting... differently lately. And no one knows why." Crap revoked. I was safe for now. Sirius didn't know about Luke or he would have left me on the pitch. "I think it has something to do with me... or you." Crap reinstated. "I don't know, maybe it's just me." Sirius fell silent as we entered the hospital. Madam Pomphrey was force feeding James a potion. The latter was grateful for the distraction: he spit the potion into the plant that sat on the bedside table.

"Mr. Black, how many injured people are you going to bring me in one week?" she completely forgot about James for a second. "What's wrong with her?" she took one look at my wrist and hurried off to her office, returning with Skele-Grow. "Put her here." Madam Pomphrey motioned to the bed next to James'. "Drink this." she handed me a glass of the potion. "And _you _drink this." she handed James a second glass of the potion. She'd seen him spit it out after all. The rest of the Gryffindor team filed into the hospital wing.

"Ah it's good to see all of you huddled around my sick bed." I said sarcastically. Remus stood as far away from Sirius as possible. He shot James a questioning glance, James shrugged.

--

Luke came in as soon as all of the Gryffindors had left, not wishing to be hung by my brother. Either one for that matter. Reggie had been by for a few minutes, blatantly disregarding the decree that he was no longer allowed to speak to me. I tried not to laugh as James made faces at Luke behind his back. Every once in a while I would feign a coughing fit to disguise my giggles. Eventually he was shooed out, leaving me to glower at James. "Really," he began as soon as Luke was out the doors. "you could do _so _much better than Luke Malfoy. Honestly." I glowered at him, he stared back.

"And I'm guessing that you have suggestions as to who would be better." I snapped. I'm sure Lily and Alice were also full of suggestions. I just hadn't spent enough time daring to hear them.

"Well, yeah, I do actually." I raised my eyebrows, daring him to continue. "Um. I don't really know _how _to say this." Uh-oh. "Remus." What. Not him too. Was I the only one that was blind to this? Or was this a clever set up by James and Lily? Ha. Nope, James and Lily would never work together on something, not even if it was for me. I sighed. "No! I'm serious." Go figure. That's what made this so hard to believe. The day that James Potter was serious was a day to fear.

"What makes you say that?" I asked cautiously. He better not give me the same speech that Lily had already given me.

"Ok. One: have you seen the way that boy looks at you? It's insane." Oh God. He was pulling out _my_ speech. "Two: he never stops talking about you, also insane. Three:" he paused. He clearly had not planned this out. "Three? There _was _a third, I know it." I laughed. "Oh! Yeah, it's absolutely KILLING him that you are dating Malfoy Jr.-"

"Luke." I corrected.

"Whatever. And he thinks that you are doing it just to spite him." I looked at James surprised.

"_There is _ _no way that is true." _I hissed. A funny look crossed his face.

"You are! I knew it!" he started laughing. "That's low Bella. I think that's why Sirius was so irritated with Remus. He's starting to figure it out." James was laughing harder now. "I told Remus this would happen. But did he listen? Nope." Madam Pomphrey shushed us.

--

James and I were released from the hospital Monday morning, just in time for classes, with strict instructions not to try anything stupid. Potions was awkward with my new insight. Also, I was the only person between Sirius and Remus, who were still not on speaking terms. Over what? Me of course. The one thing between them. Literally. At great length, class was over. James caught up to Lily and me as we were on our way to Charms. Lily fidgeted. He didn't usually walk with us to Charms, even though he was in the same class. "So, Lily, you wanna go to Hogsmede with me this weekend?" My first thought was that she was going to say no. EEEEERRRR! Wrong.

"Yeah, sure." The three of us stopped walking. My mouth was open in an 'O' of awe. Mk then. James smiled at her and raced off to spread the news of his three years' heard work paid off. I pinched Lily and she yelped. "What was that for?" she demanded.

"Well, now you know I wasn't lying and that you aren't dreaming." I flung my hair over my shoulder and hurried off to Charms before Lily should pinch me back.

Just my luck. Again. A brief memory lapse and I had forgotten that I sat next to Remus in every class we had together. Translation: every class. How stupid am I?

--

Remus watched Bella out of the corner of his eye as she sat next to him. She seemed different. Had James taken the liberty to tell her about the many conversations they'd had about her while they were in the hospital? Remus sighed. That was probably it. Debating with himself, he very nearly missed the parchment that flew past his head. Bella's hand darted out and snatched the paper, reading it quickly and scratching out a reply and throwing it back to Sarah. She met his gaze momentarily before turning back to her notes. Remus made up his mind: he was going to let go. If it made Bella happy he would let her be with Luke. For now at least.

_Could I forget the look that  
_

_tells me that you want me?  
_

_And all the reasons that make loving you so easy  
_

_The kiss that always makes it hard to breathe  
_

_The way you know just what I mean_

_No, I can't learn to live without  
_

_Ohh, so don't you give up on us now_

___Ohh, I know I could say we're through  
_

___And tell myself I'm over you  
_

___But even if I made a vow  
_

___I promise not to miss you now  
_

___And try to hide the truth inside  
_

___I'd fail cause I, I just can't live a lie_

_--_

And that brings us to where I began: why I was trying to kill my best friend. I of course asked him about what James had said. Remus denied it quickly, too quickly. "So it is true!" I accused his across the common room. "Why didn't you say anything to me?!"

"Because I wanted to protect you." he was calm. I didn't want calm, I wanted him to fight back, defend himself, defend me.

"From what?" I shrieked. Remus sighed. "It's for the same stupid reason you won't let me come with you at the full moon isn't it?" he avoided my glares. "You're 'afraid' that you're gonna hurt me, aren't you. If you taught me to be an Animagus--" he cut me off.

"**BELLA, I SAID NO!**" it was the first time he'd raised his voice at me. And so it began: the beginning of the rest of our lives. Only, we hoped it would be better.

**One Year and Six Months Later:**

Remus had kept his word to himself for a year and six months. And that was pushing it to the extreme. James had suffered through the year and six months, Remus hadn't refrained from expressing his displeasure whenever Sirius wasn't around. Bella and Luke turned out to have a more serious relationship than was expected by anyone. Sirius eventually found out, taking it much better than, again, everyone expected. What everyone was definitely not expecting was what Remus happened to witness. "Bella! Come here, I need to talk to you." Luke pulled Bella into an empty hall. Well, empty except for Remus. He ducked back around the corner when he heard the couple coming. "We've known each other for a long time right?" Remus froze, knowing somehow, what was coming next. Bella must have been nodding because Luke was continuing. "And we've been dating for a while too." again, she was probably nodding. "So I thought it was time." she gasped and Remus slid to the floor. "Bella, will you marry me?" Remus got off the floor, clenching his teeth, and stormed back to Gryffindor tower. He diverted his path when he reached the Fat Lady's portrait, going instead into the Head's common room. Lily looked up, laughing as Remus entered the Head's common room.

"Remus, what's wrong?" her smile faded. James looked at his friend, cautiously. He had never seen Remus so angry. "You better warn Sirius." with that he stormed out of the room with James and Lily at his heels.

--

I raced off to find Lily. She had to know first. I was engaged, to Luke Malfoy, none the less. My heart was pounding when I entered the Gryffindor common room. Remus, James, Lily, and Sirius were there; otherwise the room was empty. "Guess what!" no one spoke. "I'm engaged." I didn't say it as loudly as I had the 'guess what' but it seemed to echo. It seemed weird. The rain pounded against the window, the only sound for a few seconds. Lily was the first to recover. She rushed forward and hugged me tight, congratulating me. Suddenly, I felt like I didn't deserve it. Remus stalked out without a word or backward glance. I felt sick as everyone else began talking. I left them all in the common room and searched for Remus. He was still my best friend, even though I was engaged. I winced slightly at the word. Ugh. Is there another word for it? Remus was outside, in the pouring rain. I wandered until I found him. When I did, I was soaked through. He was pacing around the tree by the Black Lake. "Remus." He looked at me. It took him a long time to say anything; when he did, it was the one thing I didn't want to hear from him.

"Congrats." he hugged me, but it was different than any other hug I had received from him.

"What's wrong?" I asked, knowing the answer. I'd heard it enough from James and Lily, but I needed to hear it from him. If he would tell me.

"What's wrong?" he repeated. "I'll tell you: I loved you, Bella. I still do. And it kills me that you're still with him, it really does." he said through clenched teeth. I stood dumbfounded. "And now... now you're going to be married. Just like your parents wanted: marrying a pure-blood Malfoy. I tried, Bella, believe me I tried. Do you know how much I wanted that to be me? Me instead of Luke Malfoy? You probably don't. That's why I told you to say no that day last year, not because of who it was, but because of my fear that you would fall in love with him. Not me." I was crying now. Remus went on. "But I thought I would let you be, that you'd eventually figure it out. I guess I was wrong."

"Remus," I sobbed. I'd had no idea Lily was this right. "This is gonna sound childish, but this doesn't change much for us does it?" I sounded so... selfish, even to my own ears. "I mean, I know things are going to different, but not everything, right?"

"No, Bella. This changes everything. I'm done here." he turned and headed off to the castle. I sank to the soggy ground sobbing, alone. I had known that friends would come and go, but I never expected to lose Remus, my best friend, constant part of my every day. But I'd gone and blown it. For good.

___Lately nothing I do ever seems to please you  
_

___And maybe turning my back would be that much easier  
_

___Cause hurtful words are all that we exchange  
_

___But I can't watch you walk away_

_____Can I forget about the way it feels to touch you?  
_

_____And all about the good times  
_

_____that we've been through  
_

_____Could I wake up without you every day?  
_

_____Would I let you walk away?_

_____No, I can't learn to live without  
_

_____And I can't give up on us now_

_____Oh, I know I could say we're through  
_

_____And tell myself I'm over you  
_

_____But even if I made a vow  
_

_____I promise not to miss you now  
_

_____And try to hide the truth inside  
_

_____I'd fail cause I, I just can't live a lie._

Lily was perched on my bed when I got back. She took one look at my tear-streaked face and pulled me into a hug. "It's gonna be okay." she didn't sound too sure of her promise.

Sirius was in a weird mood the next few mornings. Apparently, Remus had told him the entire conversation, however one-sided it had been. I think he didn't know whether to comfort me or tear Remus limb from limb. I rather hoped he didn't do anything bad. I've spent the last week trying to convince myself that Remus and I were finally over, after eight years of friendship. Obviously it's not working.

--

**A/N- hey guys! this song is 'I Just Can't Live A Lie' by Carrie Underwood**


	4. My Happy Ending

Its Easter break this weekend and I still don't know what to do. If I look back on this past month, I think that I was possessed. After Remus had said we weren't friends anymore, I noticed myself drifting over to the Slytherins table more ofter, leaving Lily and Sara behind. At first I excused it by saying it was natural for wanting to spend time with Luke. But then it moved to Luke and Bella, followed by Snape, Lucious, and Regulus. I feel empty while I'm sitting here at the Slytherin table eating breakfast. Remus entered the Great Hall with Sirius. Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner and I have an idea. I remembered Remus saying something about his parents taking Riley and Kat on a summer trip; Remus hadn't wanted to go along. He would be by himself. Casting Luke an empty smile, I rushed off to my dorm to pack. This was a good idea right? Sure. The question was if I was going to tell Remus that I was going to stop by or not. Not. If I told him then he would make it a point not to be there; an element of surprise would be beneficial. Crucial almost.

_You've got your dumb friends  
_

_I know what they say  
_

_They tell you I'm difficult  
_

_But so are they  
_

_But they don't know me  
_

_Do they even know you?  
_

_All the things you hide from me  
_

_All the shit that you do_

___You were all the things I thought I knew  
_

___And I thought we could be_

I sat on the bed in the flat I was renting in London. I glanced out the window; the sun had still not risen. Obviously, it was too early to go see Remus. I looked at my reflection in the wardrobe mirror. Too casual? Too formal? Ugh. What am I doing? He is-- was?-- my best friend. And here I am, trying to figure out what to wear to go and talk to him. Can you say shallow? Remus most likely wasn't going to care if I wore blue or green. His favorite color is green though... Not helping. I ended up in a brown knee-length skirt and a turquoise tank top (ha a compromise between my favorite color and his.) and blue jean jacket. I went looking around for a while; it was still too early. I wandered around London for a while, nearly passing an art gallery in my preoccupied trance. Thoughts flooded my mind: I haven't painted in a long time. Not since before my sixth year. That summer seemed like an eternity ago. I quickly found a painting I liked. When I had finished with the gallery I headed on to a Muggle store and bought pencils and paper. It was a start. Noon came faster than I thought possible. Stowing my purchases in my small bag, bewitched with an undetectable enlarging charm, I Apparated a ways down the street from Remus' house. I walked slowly, planning what I was going to say. I had nothing. Remus was sitting on the porch when I reached his house. He watched me for a moment before standing. I still had nothing to say. "Bella?" chances of running out on my plan were gone. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see how you were doing. Its been a while." that was stupid. Top of the worst one-liners list; right up there with David Caruso.

"Do you wanna go on a walk, like we used to? We can talk." talk. Talk is good, seeing as we haven't spoken for over a month. We walked for along time. Through the woods, the field, and finally reaching the creek behind his house. Our chatter was filled with gaps and awkward silences. "You're different." he said after a long pause.

"I'm different?" I repeated. Again, that was lame.

"Yeah," he paused again. "but it's a good different. More... grown up. But I still love the old Bella." he caught himself, but not before I noticed. "Not that its bad that you're more grown up." I still love the old Bella. No, this can't be happening. Not now. "And I'm really sorry about how I behaved when I found out you were engaged. I overheard you and Luke in the hall and I overreacted. A lot."

"It wasn't your fault. I didn't expected you to--" to what? Tell me he loved me? "take that all in. I made a stupid mistake." Remus took my hand in his. Just like old times again. We walked on in peaceful silence; for once it wasn't awkward. Thank God. "Do you wanna talk about it?" I'm not sure what I wanted the answer to be.

"What is there to talk about? I told you how I felt and you made a commitment. End of story." Ouch. That hurts. What if I went back on my promise? Would that make this all better? Make all of the complications go away and leave me in peace with which ever one of them I decided to love.

Hold the phone. Which ever one of them? There is no choice. I love Luke; I gave him my word.

___Let's talk this over  
_

___It's not like we're dead  
_

___Was it something I did?  
_

___Was it something You said?  
_

___Don't leave me hanging  
_

___In a city so dead  
_

___Held up so high  
_

___On such a breakable thread  
_

___  
You were all the things I thought I knew  
_

___And I thought we could be_

Eventually, we ended up back at his house. "Do you want to stay for dinner?" Yes? No? Yes? No? "Please?" how could I say no?

"Yeah, I'd like that." We made dinner. I felt liked I belonged here, like it was perfect. I could deal with this for the rest of my life: quiet and peaceful. But I felt like this with Luke too. Wasn't it natural not to want to forget your first love? First love? First love? But we're talking about Remus here. I turned away from him so he couldn't see the battle crossing my face. That couldn't be right. I love Luke, Remus was-- is?-- my best friend. How can I mix that up? I don't know. It was probably just the stress of planning my wedding. Everyone needs a break now and then. Even if it's a psychotic one. I finished setting the table willing myself not to continue on with this.

"You know I'm a very cheap drunk." I told him when I drained a firewhiskey half and hour later. Remus laughed, draining a bottle himself.

"Then you better take it slow, so I won't have to take advantage of you." I'd heard this pun many times before, shrugging it off; now it meant something.

"You wouldn't dare." he raised an eyebrow at me making me laugh. "I'm a married woman-

"Not yet, you're not." he cut in. I held up my left hand, showing off the ring. The ring, not my ring. Interesting.

"Pretty much. And stop making that face at me. I'm trying to be serious." I giggled.

"Aw geez, doesn't your brother do a good enough job being Sirius?" his pun took a moment to sink in. When it did, I giggled insanely. "Come on, Bella. It wasn't that funny. Or am I your only source of comedy these days. Cause that's not saying much. Don't those Slytherins have a sense of humor?" We had arrived at a touchy subject. "I'm sorry, that was insensitive. I forgot they're your... friends." I laughed, not really sure why that was funny. Maybe for the lack in fulfillment of the word 'friends'.

"Yes they do but it's a very morbid sense." the clock struck ten. Magic stroke of midnight come two hours early. "I should be going, it's late." way to state the obvious there, Bella. Smooth. He stood when I stood. "I had a good time. We should do this again sometime." I was almost to the door when Remus called after me.

"Can you come back tomorrow?" I stopped. "There's somewhere I want to take you." he was standing in the doorway, hands in his pockets. I turned.

"Have I ever been there?" he shook his his head no. "Yeah, I'll be here."

"Around ten?" twelve hours. Was that enough time to compose myself? My mouth had the words out before I thought them through.

"I'd like that."

___You were everything, everything that I wanted  
_

___We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it  
_

___And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away  
_

___All this time you were pretending  
_

___So much for my happy ending  
_

___Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh..._

___It's nice to know that you were there  
_

___Thanks for acting like you cared  
_

___And making me feel like I was the only one  
_

___It's nice to know we had it all  
_

___Thanks for watching as I fall  
_

___And letting me know we were done_

It wasn't really fair to blame Remus for my troubled love life. It wasn't his fault that the feelings came too late. It was too late. I was getting married. Besides, I didn't know what this feeling was. It could be that I'm happy he's back in my life. Back with a bang, like a comet shooting across my sky. I entered the lobby of the building where my flat was. The manager stopped me. "You've got a letter, ma'am." I thanked him and continued up the steps. The name on the outside of the envelope was Luke's. I put the letter on the desk without opening it. A week ago, even yesterday, I would have ripped the letter open for a word from my fiancé. The next morning found me back at Remus' house. It was a bit before ten, but the sky threatened rain. "Bella!" today he didn't look like he had seen a ghost when I'd appeared in front of his house. "Come on, we have to hurry. It looks like rain. Unless, you'd rather we stayed here."

"Is it far?" I didn't want to be caught in the rain in my white shirt. Remus paused half way out the door. He handed me a sweatshirt.

"No it's not far but you might want that." He waited while I pulled his sweatshirt over my head and led me back to the creek, not far behind his house. There was a canoe tied to the dock. The place he was taking me was beautiful. It was a ways in on the creek and absolutely swarmed with geese and swans. It was one of the coolest things I've ever seen. "Do you wanna feed them?" He handed me a bag of bread crumbs and watched me while I threw the pieces out to the birds.

"Where did they all come from?" there had to be hundreds of them, swimming between the trees.

"I don't really know. They're supposed to migrate to the Guatemala Sound in the fall." he wasn't looking at the birds when he spoke, and I knew it.

"They won't stay? That's too bad." thunder rumbled in the distance. Remus looked around before beginning to pull on the oars again.

"We've gotta go." No sooner had we reached the middle of the creek and the sky opened, rain dumping in sheets. I pulled up the hood of Remus' sweatshirt up over my head. He laughed. I threw back the hood and tipped my head back so the rain could hit my face, laughing. He rowed faster as we lapsed into silence. Lightening split the sky as we reached the pier. I climbed out of the canoe and headed up the pier. I hesitated, turning while he pulled the canoe up onto the dock.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner? Why didn't you stop me?" I demanded when he finished. "Why?" Remus was standing in front of me now. "It wasn't-- wasn't over for me. I did love you. I waited for you to do something for six years. Now it's too late."

"I wanted to tell you sooner, I did. But I didn't know how that would've affected us as friends if you didn't feel the same way. Bella, I was scared." he paused watching me for a second. "It wasn't over for me either, even though I said it was. It's still not over." He pulled me close and kissed me. I'm sure if it was possible, my heart would have exploded from excitement right then and there. Next thing I knew, we were stumbling in the door, barely parting as we peeled off layers of wet clothing.

--

**A/N-- Ok if you haven't figured this out already, I'm taking this scene from the movie The Notebook. It's really an awesome movie, and book, but I did change the scene. So while I'm at it: I don't own the gist of this scene, I did try and change a few things. I also don not own the Harry Potter characters, as much as this depresses me. The song is My Happy Ending by Avril Lavigne. I think that's it... oh yeah, please review!! Thanks! Only two more chapters in this story and then there is gonna be a sequel. **_**  
**_


	5. I'm Only Me When I'm With You

_Friday night beneath the stars  
_

_In a field behind your yard  
_

_You and I are painting pictures in the sky  
_

_Sometimes we don't say a thing  
_

_Just listen to the crickets sing  
_

_Everything I need is right here by my side_

___And I know everything about you  
_

___I don't wanna live without you_

___I'm only up when you're not down  
_

___Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground  
_

___It's like no matter what I do  
_

___Well, you drive me crazy half the time  
_

___The other half I'm only trying  
_

___To let you know what I feel is true  
_

___And I'm only me when I'm with you _

_I_ woke up on the floor the next morning. Remus was still asleep, snoring slightly. "Remus." I whispered, kissing his ear. "Remus." He groaned. "Come on, wake up." he rolled over onto his back pulling me along.

"You are trying to kill me woman." Remus groaned. I shook my head. "I need to sleep. I need food. I need to regain my strength." I kissed him again.

"I'll make breakfast. What 'dyou want?" he laughed.

"Hhhhmmm, I want some... pancakes." he kissed me. "and some... bacon." there was a knock at the door. I pulled the blanket with me as we got off the ground. Whoever was at the door knocked again. "Shit." Remus mumbled. "I hope that's not..." he trailed off, pulling on his clothes. Remus went to answer the door. I followed quietly, pulling on my clothes from yesterday. "Katie?" I heard him ask. "Now's not really a good time."

"She's the one, isn't she?" I heard a girl ask. Who was this chick? "Can I meet her?" I came out from behind the wall. She was clearly a Muggle girl, not to sound prejudiced or anything. She gave me a curious glance. She must've been seeing Remus for a while.

"Hi there!" I said immediately. "I'm Bella." I shook her hand.

"Katie." she glanced from me to Remus and back to me.

"You wanna come in?" she nodded hesitantly. "I mean, Remus was just saying how hungry he was." Katie nodded again. Remus threw his hands up in resignation. Clearly he hadn't wanted her to show up. "Come on in." I moved aside so she could come in. Once she was past me, I raised my eyebrows at Remus and followed Katie into the house. Katie stayed most of the day. She really wasn't that bad a person. It was just that she was invading on my limited time.

"I really should go." Katie said after we had eaten dinner. We all said goodbye and Remus walked her to her car. I watched from the kitchen window while Katie said goodbye.

___Just a small-town boy and girl  
_

___Living in the crazy world  
_

___Trying to figure out what is and isn't true  
_

___And I don't try to hide my tears  
_

___My secrets or my deepest fears  
_

___Through it all nobody gets me like you do_

___And you know everything about me  
_

___You say that you can't live without me_

___I'm only up when you're not down  
_

___Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground  
_

___It's like no matter what I do  
_

___Well, you drive me crazy half the time  
_

___The other half I'm only trying  
_

___To let you know what I feel is true  
_

___And I'm only me when I'm with you_

There were flowers on my pillow when I woke up the next morning, along with a note pinned to the headboard. Sniffing the flowers, I read the note. Remus said that he had gone to get something for breakfast and to follow the arrows. Follow the arrows? I wrapped myself in the red fleece blanket and followed the paper arrows all the way to the spare room, overlooking the creek. There was an easel set up in front of the window along with pencils, paint, and brushes. I smiled. He must've known that I hadn't painted in a while. Read my mind. If that didn't tell me anything, I don't know what would. I pulled the blanket tighter around my shoulders. Of course, there was a knock at the door. Was it Katie again? I hurried down the stairs to answer the door. In a moment of glee, I felt like this could've been my house. Opening the door, I wished I hadn't. My mother stood on the porch, holding the screen door open.

"Isabella." she said coldly. I stepped out onto the porch, shutting the door behind me. "Luke is on his way. If he's not here already, he's pretty close." No, no, no, no. This was not happening. And so ended my two days of bliss. "Unfortunately your brother spilled the beans about Remus. When he didn't hear back from you yesterday, he decided to come."

"Well that's just great. You, me, Remus, and Luke. One big happy family." she turned away from me to look at the lawn.

"Stop being dramatic and take some of the responsibility. You came down here. You knew what you were doing." I sat in one of the chairs and she followed my example.

"Oh, so now I'm a tramp?" I snapped. "You are unbelievable. Unbelievable." I shook my head searching for a reason why I shouldn't get up and walk away.

"Come on. Get some clothes on. I have something to show you." she got up and started to walk off the porch.

"'I have something to show you' Why would I go anywhere with you?" I pulled the blanket tighter in defiance. I wasn't about to go anywhere.

"Because I might know you better than you think I do. And I don't want you waking up one morning thinking that if you'd known everything then you would've done something different." She waited outside while I got dressed. I didn't even consider inviting her in. Somehow I ended up in a knee length, spaghetti strapped dress that was a turquoise color. I left a note for Remus telling him that I'd be right back. I came out into the yard and my mother grabbed my arm. I felt her twist and darkness surrounded us, followed by an unpleasant sensation of Apparation. When I opened my eyes we were in front of the Ministry of Magic. "You see that man?" she asked after a wizard had Apparated in front of the building. We were standing by a Muggle telephone booth and he couldn't see us. I nodded. "He doesn't look like much, but twenty five years ago he was something." where was she going with this? "We were out of our minds in love, let me tell you." I nodded. "Well naturally your grandaddy was furious. So we decided to run away. Didn't even make the next town before they found us. Whenever I'm in the area, I stop to see him, try to picture how different my life would have been." her voice cracked. "Now I want you to know-"

"Mum I-" I interrupted her.

"No God dammit. This is important. I want you to know that I love your father. He's a good man and I don't deserve him." She dried her eyes, grabbed my arm again and Apparated back first to the building where my flat was. Luke was in the lobby talking to the manager. He didn't see us. Once again, my mother grabbed my arm and Apparated me back to Remus' house. I didn't say anything. Remus was sitting in the house when we got back. I could tell that his parents were back. My mother hugged me, a rare oddity. I started to walk away. "Bella?" I hesitated. "I hope you make the right choice." with that she Apparated off Remus' front yard. I walked into the house, finding Remus in the kitchen.

"Interesting morning." Remus said dryly when I entered the kitchen and sat at the table. His parents were in the living room, obviously listening. I gave a nervous laugh.

"Luke's here in town." I told him quietly.

"He's here?" he pointed to the floor.

"We saw him in the lobby of my building." neither of us said anything.

"What are you gonna do Bell?" I shook my head, bouncing my leg. "We're back to that? Are we back there? What about the past couple of days? They happened." I sighed.

"Yes they happened and they were wonderful. But they were also very irresponsible." He jumped out of his chair, knocking it over. "I have a fiancé whose waiting for me in the lobby of my building. He's gonna be crushed when he finds out what I did."

"So you make love to me and then you go back to your husband?" I could tell his parents were listening very closely now. Not that they had to, we were both shouting. "Is that your plan? Was that a test I didn't pass?"

"No!" I yelled, standing too. "I made a promise to a man. He gave me a ring and I gave him my word."

"And your word is shot to hell now, don't you think?" he has a point.

"I don't know. I guess I'll find out when I talk to him."

"This is not about keeping your promise and this is not about following your heart." I watched him for a moment. "It's about security."

"What is that supposed to mean?" he wouldn't.

"Pure-blood!" he did. "He's a pure-blood."

"Now I hate you, you smug bastard!" I hope Riley and Kat aren't here. Not for little ears.

"Well I hate you, if you leave here, I hate you." he pointed at the door.

"Haven't you been paying attention to anything that's been happening over the last few days?" there was a shuffle in the next room.

"No I guess not. I must have misread all those signals." he snapped sarcastically.

"Yeah, I guess you did." I turned and headed for the front door. Remus followed me.

"You're bored! You're bored and you know it. You wouldn't be here if there wasn't something missing." I stomped through the living room.

"You arrogant son of a bitch." I shouted back at him as I wrenched open the front door.

"Will you just stay with me?" I paused and walked back to where he was standing.

"Stay with you? Look at us, we're already fighting." I wanted this to work I really did. But not if it means fighting with Remus all the time.

"That's what we do. We fight, we get over it and move on. You tell me when I'm being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you're being a pain in the ass. Which you are ninety percent of the time." he did have an excellent point. "I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings, Bella. They have like a two second rebound rate and you're back doing the next pain in the ass thing." he slammed the front door shut, leaning against it so I couldn't leave.

"So what?"

"So it's not gonna be easy, but then it's not gonna be that hard either. But I want to work at it because I want you. I want all of you, for ever. You and me, everyday." tears of frustration blurred my vision. I laughed in spite of myself. "Can you do something for me: could you just picture your life, for one second. Thirty years from now, forty years from now. If it's with that guy, then go. I lost you once. I think I could do it again. If I thought that's what you really wanted. But don't you take the easy way out."

"What easy way?" if there was one I was all for it. "There is no easy way. No matter what I do somebody gets hurt." I was crying now.

"Would you stop thinking about what everyone wants. Stop thinking about what I want, what he wants, what your parents want. What do you want?" I shook my head. "What do you want?"

"It's not that simple." I protested.

"What. Do. You. Want." he shouted over me. Leaning back against the door he asked again. "God dammit, what do you want?" I thought for a moment. I wanted to be here, but I wanted to be there as well.

"I have to go." I said at last. Remus walked away from the door with his hands on his head. Still crying, I pulled the door back open and Apparated off the porch. I Apparated a few blocks away from my flat, giving myself time to calm down. Walking along the road I searched my bag for a hair clip, my make-up and a mirror. I sat on a bench and tried to make it look like I hadn't been crying. Finally I made it to my flat. Luke was waiting on me in the lobby. I invited him up to my flat. He listened patiently while I told him what had happened in the last few days.

"Okay, the way I see it I've got three choices: one, I could kill him," oh no. "two, I could kick the crap out of him, or three, I leave you." I laughed, once again I was crying. "But that's all no good. You see, cause none of those options give me you." I stared out the closed window. "And in spite of everything, I love you."

"I love you too, Luke."

"I meant what I said when I gave you that ring."

"I did too. I did too. It' just that when I'm with Remus, I feel like one person and when I'm with you, I feel like someone totally different." he came over and sat on the bed next to me.

"Look, it's normal not to forget your first love." he kissed my hand. "I love you Bella, but I want you for myself. I don't want to convince my fiancé she should be with me." this kills. But I know what I'm going to do.

"You don't have to convince me, Luke. I know I should be with you."

___When I'm with anybody else  
_

___It's so hard to be myself  
_

___And only you can say_

___That I'm only up when you're not down  
_

___Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground  
_

___It's like no matter what I do  
_

___Well, you drive me crazy half the time  
_

___The other half I'm only trying  
_

___To let you know what I feel is true  
_

___And I'm only me, who I wanna be  
_

___Well, I'm only me when I'm with you, with you _

_--_

**A/N- So... now that there is only one more chapter left what do you think? I just want to let you all know that I have a picture of how I imagined Bella. Send me a message if you want to see it. I promise the next chapter is not what you expect.**


	6. Some Hearts

_Now who'd have thought someone like you could love me  
_

_You're the last thing my heart expected  
_

_Who'd have thought I'd ever find somebody  
_

_Someone who someone who makes me feel like this  
_

_Well I guess_

_Some hearts  
_

_They just get all the right breaks  
_

_Some hearts have the stars on their side, yes  
_

_Some hearts,  
_

_They just have it so easy  
_

_Some hearts just get lucky sometimes  
_

_Some hearts just get lucky sometimes  
_

_Ohhhhhh_

_Even hearts like mine  
_

_Get lucky, lucky sometimes_

_Even hearts like mine  
_

_Ohhhhhhhh  
_

"And they lived happily ever after." I finished. Allie sighed with displeasure. I knew that wasn't the ending she had hoped for. "What?" She studied me for a moment. My daughter could be so like me at times.

"Who did?" She sat cross-legged on her bed. Allie is turning seventeen tomorrow. It had broken my heart to send her away from me for so long, so she could go to Hogwarts. The same thing had happened with her brother, Noah. Noah was a year older than Allie. It had been twenty years since I had made my decision. I told Allie this story every year; I never told her who lived happily ever after before, if it was Remus or Luke. Each time I changed the names, so she wouldn't figure it out. Noah had long since grown tired of the story. Allie looked around her room. There was a dress laid out for tomorrow, for Bill and Fluer's wedding. She was tired of being trapped in the house and I knew it. That was the reason she was leaving for the Burrow tomorrow morning instead of later in the day.

"Guess." she made a face. She was practical, not a guesser. "Your father and I did, of course."

"I know that, but who was he in the story? The best friend? The fiance?" she sighed. There was a soft knock on the door. Noah stood in the door way. He came in and sat on Allie's bed. He looked as much like his father as Allie looked like me. "I think I'll just ask Dad." she watched my face to see my reaction.

"He won't tell you. He enjoys torturing you as much as I do." she crossed her arms and narrowed her arms; a very Sirius-like pose. Sirius. My brother died two years ago. He was killed by Bellatrix at the Ministry of Magic. I tried to repay her four days ago when we took Harry from his aunt and uncle's house; she got away from me. Allie pulled me back to the present with an exaggerated sigh. "Now, you both need to sleep. It's eleven thirty and Allie has to get up early." Noah went into his own room and I lingered in Allie's door way. "I might tell you who it was in the morning." she nodded in resignation. I shut the door behind me and headed down the stairs. My husband was in the living room, sitting on the couch. I sat next to him, resting my head on his shoulder.

"She hasn't figured out which one I was, has she?" Remus asked me.

"I think she might have."

_'There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be _

_forgotten, but I've loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me this_

_has always been enough._

_The romantics would call this a love story, the cynics would call it a tragedy. In my mind it's a little_

_bit of both, and no matter how you choose to view it in the end, it does not change the fact_

_that it involves a great deal of my life and the path I've chosen to follow. I have no complaints_

_about my path and the places it has taken me, enough complaints to fill a circus tent about other things, maybe, but the path I've chosen has always been the right one, and I wouldn't have it any other way.'_

_-Nicholas Sparks_

_The Notebook_

--

**A/N- ok, so now I'm finished with this story. The tale will continue in a sequel called 'Everything' I also have pictures of Allie, as well as the ones of Bella. The next story, Everything, will pick up right where I left off here: the next morning. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed this one, and I hope you enjoy the sequel. Let me know what you think please!**

-Finish-


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